Truth
by Gwenhwyfar1984
Summary: As Castiel and Meg's relationship grows, Castiel must come to terms with an incident in his past.


**Trigger Warning:** This fanfic deals with the Reaper April situation from I'm No Angel and therefore addresses the topic of sexual coercion, sexual assault, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

* * *

Meg sighed and leaned in, pressing her lips against Castiel's jaw. The angel tensed for a moment before he relaxed. His hands moved to her shoulders and just rested there. She trailed her lips across and down to his neck. He tensed and she massaged his shoulders.

It had been a month since she had returned from The Empty. Reluctantly, she had moved into the Bunker with Castiel and the Winchesters. She'd let Castiel know that she was interested in picking up where they had left off, and he'd seemed eager to do so. Yet, when she tried to get intimate with him, he backed off. She'd assumed at first that it was because she'd essentially just jumped him. He was, after all, an angel. Despite his kissing like a pro, he was probably a virgin. So, she'd made this night special. Put on the romantic music, bought fancy underwear, lit several dozen candles. She'd gone all out. Yet, for some reason instead of putting him in the mood, it seemed to make him even more hesitant. So now she was going slowly, attempting to salvage her efforts.

Sliding her hands under his coat, she started to shove it off of his shoulders. He froze and a moment later she was thrown away from him and off of the bed by a burst of angelic power. She landed in a heap on the floor.

"Do not touch me," he ordered.

"What the f—" she started, prepared to lash out.

Then she saw that he wasn't really looking at her. His gaze seemed past her, through her. His mind was obviously somewhere else. She could feel his angelic energy was right on the surface, and the wrong move would probably end with him smiting her. Instinctively, she wanted to teleport to safety.

"Clarence?" she softly asked, not daring to move.

He his expression cleared and he hurried off of the bed. "I apologize. I don't..."

"Help me up," she said, her voice quiet. When she'd returned they found that her legs no longer worked as they had before. She needed a wheelchair to get around, and with support could only take a few steps. It had frustrated her at first, but she'd quickly adjusted.

He reached down and steadied her so she could stand and return to the bed. "I do not think that tonight is a good night for intimacy."

"Sit."

"Meg I—"

"You owe me an explanation. I'm not going to jump you so you can relax."

He sat at the foot of the bed, his gaze on the floor, and his body rigid with tension. "I did not wish to continue."

"A simple no would have worked."

"You were being pushy."

She gave an incredulous laugh. "Pushy?"

He clenched his jaw and turned his head away.

"What is going on? You weren't like this before I died."

"I've changed," he replied, rubbing the back of his neck before standing up. "Perhaps this means that we shouldn't...we shouldn't be in a relationship."

Stunned, she watched as he walked to the door. He opened it before she lashed out with her powers and slammed it shut. He didn't reach for the knob again, and his shoulders hunched in a defeated way.

"I cheated on you."

That was definitely not what she as expecting, but it explained a lot. "When?"

"About six years ago."

"Cas..."

"It's a long story but I had my grace stolen from me. I became human. I was alone and had nothing."

"Where were the Winchesters?"

"That is also a long story."

She sighed, not surprised in the least that the brothers had abandoned the angel when he was no longer useful to them. "Sit down, Clarence."

He obediently sat again, but this time he faced her. He reeked of guilt and shame and she had no idea how to deal with it. Worse, she had the feeling that his story was going to go even further downhill.

"I was in an alley going through a trash can for some food when a woman approached me and gave me a sandwich. Peanut butter. I waited in the alley all day, hoping to see her again. I thought that perhaps she would be kind again and give me more food. It started to rain. She did come out again and..."

She didn't want to hear it. There was no way that she wanted to know how he had been seduced by the Peanut Butter Lady. Then his expression changed, going from guilty to almost blank, and she let him continue. His tone became calm and quiet, as though he was telling her the weather.

"I thought she was being kind again. She brought me home to her apartment. She cleaned my wound. Then she kissed me and indicated that she wished to have sexual relations."

"Cas..."

"I did not wish to. I barely knew her. I was not attracted to her. Yet, I was afraid to say no. I didn't want her to throw me out in the rain again. It's quite unpleasant when you're human. So, I had sex with her. I pretended to enjoy it. Did so again even. I'm sorry, Meg."

Meg held up her hand, trying to process everything. She felt a growing rage the more she thought about what had happened to him, and a sick feeling in her stomach.

"Who is she? Is she dead? If not, can I torture her? Oh! Can we torture her together?"

Castiel stared at her, his brow furrowed, and tilted his head slightly to the side. "You want to torture her together?"

"You have no idea how a joint torture session can bring two being together. Of course, I want to share that with you," she said seriously.

"You're not angry with me?"

"What? No! I'm angry at the bitch who raped you!"

Castiel jumped up, his eyes glowing blue. She could feel his energy brushing against her, making her skin tingle. Again, she felt a instinct to run.

"I'm an Angel of the Lord! That cannot happen to me."

Meg crossed her arms. "Fine."

His eyes stopped glowing and she felt his energy fade. "I did not fight her. I agreed to—"

"She coerced you. I'm a demon, Clarence. I know bad behavior. What she did was wrong."

He shook his head and rubbed the back of his neck. She got up and slowly made her way over to him. He placed his hands on her hips to support her. Placing her hands on his shoulders, she could feel the tension in his body.

"She was a reaper sent to kill me. There was no need to have sex with me. She told me it was simply for her own pleasure," he said quietly. "I don't understand why she did that."

Meg hated seeing this vulnerable side to him and inside, her feelings were a churning mess. She didn't understand what she was feeling and desperately searched for something she did.

"Can we torture her?"

"She's was killed during my rescue."

"Damn it."

"Why is this so important to you?"

"She hurt you," Meg replied. "She hurt you and shouldn't get away with it."

Cas stared at her for a long moment and she looked away, confused and ashamed.

"I love you too, Meg," he told her quietly.

"No need to get sappy," she replied but softened it with a smile.

He helped her to the bed and she sat with her back against the headboard. "Look, I'm not upset at you and I don't feel like you cheated on me. So, it's going to take more than this to get you out of this relationship. Got it?"

He smiled slightly and nodded. "Understood. But...sexual activity is important to you, and I am not comfortable engaging in such things right now."

"I do enjoy it, but if you don't want to then we won't."

It was disappointing, but at least now she understood what was going on with him.

"I would not object to being close to you though. Maybe we could watch a movie together and I could hold you?"

"You want to cuddle? Demons don't..." She sighed and patted the bed next to her. "I'll take what I can get. Come here."

He sat next to her and put his arms around her while she turned on the television. He was still tense, but when the angel in the black and white film was revealed to be named Clarence, he turned and gave her a smile, and she felt him relax.


End file.
